(1/?) alright, from one horny sewer rat to another, i watched fifty shades darker last night and it made me so glad that smut writers like you exist. so the entire movie is flat with no plot or tension or any reason to make you care about anybody other than the two main characters Christian and Ana, right? and the whole movie is build up for the sex scenes right? the sex scenes are worse than the rest of the movie. they’re maybe a minute and a half each

(2/?) and they barely do any sort of foreplay before Chris is inside her thrusting at a boring ass pace. like there’s one scene where he wins a pool game against her and his prize is he gets to choose how they fuck that night, so he says “im going to be very rough with you”, and im thinking oooooooo here’s the good shit, but he just flips her over slips off her panties and is in, but he’s like weakly grabbing her hair and also thrusting like a bit faster, but it’s boring and

(3/?) there’s way sexier stuff i could find on your blog by scrolling for maybe idk 15 seconds? and there’s another scene where she goes into his bdsm dungeon and picks out a spreader bar and he’s like “that’s too much for you, learn to walk before we run”, but she insists so they use it but all he does is spread her legs with it then munch on that box for 8 SECONDS and then flips her over with it and fucks her and im sitting there head in my hands desperate for SOMETHING sexy in this movie

oh my god hasdöflkajsödlfkjaslö 

thenk thenk; I never watched any of those movies. I get such bad second-hand-embarrassment if I have to watch sex scenes that are not in porn

they’re always awkward and so super unsexy